Your Own Genogram — Workbook for Professional Self-Reflection

GenoEasy template · Version 2.0 · As of 2026-06-03 · Reading time approx. 30 min · Working time approx. 4–6 h

Workbook for aspiring and practicing counselors, therapists, social workers, and coaches. This template guides you through six exercise blocks for developing your own three-generation genogram — with reflection questions and fillable note areas. It is self-reflection material and does not replace training therapy, supervision, or therapy.

Why your own genogram?

Anyone who works with other people's family systems always works with their own as well. Every client constellation reverberates within your own system — sometimes silently, sometimes surprisingly loudly. Your own genogram is the systemic tool for making this resonance conscious instead of being steered by it. It is at once an act of honoring your own family history and a protection against unnoticed transference in professional contact.

Three traditions shape work on your own genogram. Murray Bowen developed the concept of self-differentiation (differentiation of self) in the 1960s, along with the thesis of multigenerational transmission — family patterns migrate across three and more generations. Monica McGoldrick wrote the best-known self-help work on reconnecting with one's family of origin, You Can Go Home Again — Reconnecting With Your Family (1995), and established the Self-of-the-Therapist Genogram as a standard tool in training curricula. Harry Aponte developed, together with Karni Kissil, the Person of the Therapist Training Model (POTT) — a systematic method for using one's own life themes ("Signature Themes") as a professional tool.

In the DGSF and SG continuing-education curricula in German-speaking countries, work on one's own genogram is a mandatory component. Self-work is also recommended in the solution-focused and narrative traditions. The workbook structure presented here draws on McGoldrick and Aponte, but is formulated for self-directed work.

Contents: Setting and preparation · 6 exercise blocks (taking stock, relationship map, hot spots, mandates & legacies, resonance with clients, integration & self-care) · "When to seek professional help" · FAQ · Printing-instructions cover before the exercise blocks · Sources.

Setting and preparation

Before you begin, clarify the setting and framework for yourself. The following notes are derived from the curriculum experience of the DGSF and SG.

Time. Plan 45–90 minutes per exercise block. A total of 4–6 hours, spread over several days or weeks. Do not work through it all in one sitting — the themes need time to take effect.

Place. Choose a place where you are undisturbed and will not be interrupted. A table to write at, a glass of water, tissues within reach.

Materials. A pen, this workbook (printing recommended, otherwise fillable digitally), a separate sheet for the graphical genogram representation (or the GenoEasy app). Optionally a journal for longer reflections.

Confidentiality. What you write here belongs to you. Store the completed workbook so that only you have access. In continuing-education groups, you decide for yourself what you share — no one may be pressured into disclosure.

Protection for living relatives. You are doing this for yourself, not for the family. Evaluative statements about living people stay in this booklet and may, if at all, later be carried into real conversations, carefully prepared.

Exercise Block 1 — Taking stock (approx. 60 min)

Goal. You sketch your three-generation genogram at the factual level — who belongs to it, when born, when died, when married, when separated, which children, which occupations, which migrations.

Instructions.

1. Begin with yourself in the middle generation. Note your first and last name, date of birth, place of birth.
2. Add siblings with the same data — in birth order.
3. Go up one generation: parents, aunts, uncles. For each person: name, date of birth and, if applicable, date of death, dates of marriage and, if applicable, separation, occupation, and any migration history.
4. Go up one more generation: grandparents. For each person, the same data, plus "What do I know about them?" (often very little — that is information).
5. Go down one generation (your own children, nieces, nephews) — if applicable.

Reflection questions.

• What did you know immediately? What did you have to ask about or reconstruct?
• Where are there gaps? Who was not mentioned — and who arranged it that way?
• Which person is entirely or almost entirely absent from the family narrative?
• Which data were difficult for you to write down? Why?

Exercise Block 2 — Relationship map (approx. 60 min)

Goal. You add relationship lines to your genogram: close, distant, conflicted, cut off, fused. You see the emotional topology of your family system.

Instructions.

1. Use the standard symbolism: double line = very close, solid line = normal, jagged line = conflicted, dashed line = distant, line crossed out = cut off, triple line = fused/enmeshed.
2. Mark relationships in the parent generation: How was / is the relationship between your parents? Between parents and grandparents? Between aunts/uncles and grandparents?
3. Mark your own relationships: to parents, to siblings, to grandparents, to aunts/uncles. Also to deceased people — the relationship often lives on.
4. Pay attention to unconscious repetition patterns: Does your relationship with your partner resemble a parental relationship? As a mother / father, whom are you most like?

Reflection questions.

• Where are there triangulations (triangle formations) — who is allied with whom against whom?
• Which relationships are structured similarly across several generations?
• Where are there relationship cutoffs? What does that cost the system? What does it cost you?
• Which relationship in your family of origin would you have liked to be different?

Exercise Block 3 — Hot spots (approx. 60 min)

Goal. You identify themes that remained unspoken in your family or that still generate tension today — family secrets, taboos, loyalty conflicts. Hot spots are places of particular aliveness; seeing them is more protection than danger.

Instructions.

1. First, gather without judging: Which themes were not discussed in your family?
2. Typical areas: suicides, mental illnesses, addictions, violence, abuse, children born out of wedlock, adoptions, migration due to persecution, the Nazi era (perpetrators / victims / bystanders), class ascent or descent, change of religion, queer identities, abortions, miscarriages.
3. Note for each theme: What was NOT said? What was said instead (substitute narratives)? Who guarded the cloak of silence?
4. Ask yourself: Do I still have the feeling today that this theme must not be brought up? With whom?

Reflection questions.

• Is there a theme that activates you especially with clients — and that is also a hot spot in your family?
• Who in the family would be most likely to speak differently if the hot spot were allowed to be named?
• Which hot spot did you / do you want to address someday? With whom?
• Which hot spot explicitly does NOT belong in a conversation — and why?

Exercise Block 4 — Mandates and legacies (approx. 60 min)

Goal. You make visible the unspoken mandates you have received from your family — and the legacies you pass on. Mandates are not inherently bad: they structure identity. But they should be conscious.

Instructions.

1. Note for each parent figure: What expectation did they have / do they have of you? What were you supposed to achieve, be, or feel for them?
2. Note for each grandparent: What expectation was passed on to you through your parents ("Don't turn out like X")?
3. Note for yourself: Which mandate shapes your life most strongly today — even if it was never spoken aloud? Examples: "You must hold the family together." "You must do better than they did." "You must not cause any trouble." "You must be strong."
4. Differentiate: Which mandates have you integrated (identity)? Which have you rejected (reaction)? Which are you still struggling with today?

Reflection questions.

• Which mandate protects you — and which one costs you too much today?
• What do you want to pass on — and what not?
• Who in your work with clients reminds you of a family mandate? What then happens to your attention?
• Which loyalty led you into a career choice? Which into a choice of partner?

Exercise Block 5 — Resonance with clients (approx. 60 min)

Goal. You identify your "Signature Themes" (Aponte) — the life themes that come up disproportionately in your work with clients. The goal is not to eliminate them, but to know them and use them professionally.

Instructions.

1. Think of your last 10–20 clients. With which constellation did you react with above-average engagement, emotion, distress, irritation, or exhaustion?
2. Look for patterns. Frequent candidates: aggressive fathers, depressed mothers, parentified firstborns, excluded "black sheep," addiction disorders, child-welfare themes, separation escalations, caregiving stories.
3. Connect each pattern with your own family history: What in your system activates this theme?
4. Note for each recognized resonance theme: What helps you stay professional? What are early warning signs that you are falling out of professional distance?

Reflection questions.

• Which client concern would you most like to decline today — and which of your own histories explains that?
• Which client constellation activates your own longing? Where does that turn into a transference trap?
• When was the last time you wanted to "rescue" someone in a session — and for whom in your family did you feel that earlier on?
• Which client family constellation runs especially smoothly? What does that do to you?

Exercise Block 6 — Integration and self-care (approx. 45 min)

Goal. You translate the insights from the first five blocks into a professional and personal practice. What do you take with you? What do you leave behind? What support do you need?

Instructions.

1. Read through your notes from blocks 1–5 once more, calmly.
2. Mark two or three themes that are most important for your current counseling practice. Not all of them — the most important.
3. Formulate for each theme: What does this mean for my next client day? What does this mean for my supervision / peer consultation? What does this mean for me personally?
4. Write yourself a short letter to myself one year from now — what do you want to remember? What do you hope to have accomplished?

Reflection questions.

• What did you encounter most unexpectedly in this workbook?
• Which person from your family would you like to honor today — is there a gesture that makes that possible?
• What professional support do you currently have — and what is missing?
• What is your next, concrete step after this workbook?

When to seek professional help — self-experience is not a substitute for therapy

Work on your own genogram is a professional reflection method for counselors. It is not a substitute for training therapy, supervision, or your own therapy. There are clear signs of when you should seek external support, either additionally or as a priority.

Seek training therapy / a self-experience group if you are in training to become a counselor / therapist. The DGSF and SG require self-experience hours — this requirement is sensible and should not be circumvented.

Seek supervision if a client theme repeatedly overwhelms you or if you notice that one of your own family resonances is steering your work. Supervision is the professional way to make resonance manageable.

Seek your own therapy if this workbook activates themes that you cannot integrate on your own — persistent depressive mood, acute grief, trauma activation, addiction pressure, intrusive memories, persistent exhaustion. Therapy is strength, not weakness.

In acute crises (suicidal thoughts, acute trauma reactivation, severe depressive episode), stop the workbook and seek professional help immediately — your general practitioner, a crisis service, the telephone counseling hotline (0800 / 111 0 111). The work here can wait.

FAQ — Six key questions from practice

1. How does work on your own genogram differ from therapy? Your own genogram is targeted professional self-reflection with the question: "What does my family history mean for my counseling work?" Therapy is a healing relationship with the goal of alleviating suffering. Both have overlapping methods, but different mandates.

2. What should I do if I come across a deep conflict during the work — e.g., a concealed abuse theme? Stop. Note only the indication ("something is waiting here"), break off, and seek therapeutic support. Uncovering without support can re-traumatize.

3. Do I have to talk to my family in order to develop my own genogram? No. Much of it can be reconstructed from memory, letters, old photos, accounts from a single person. Conversations with family members are possible, but not a requirement — and should be prepared.

4. How many sessions do I need? Six blocks × 60–90 min., spread over 2–8 weeks, is a good order of magnitude. Better slow and deep than fast and superficial.

5. What if I cry while writing? That is normal and part of the work. Pause. Breathe. Keep writing or take a break. If you notice it is becoming too much, end the block — seek external support.

6. Can I share the exercises with colleagues? In continuing-education or peer-consultation groups with a clear confidentiality agreement, yes, in measured form. No one should be pressured into disclosure. In a purely private setting: only if it strengthens you.

Sources and further reading

Original works

• Bowen, M. (1978): Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. Jason Aronson.
• McGoldrick, M. (1995): You Can Go Home Again — Reconnecting With Your Family. Norton.
• McGoldrick, M., Gerson, R., Petry, S. (2020): Genograms — Assessment and Treatment. Norton, 4th ed.
• Aponte, H. J., Kissil, K. (2016): The Person of the Therapist Training Model — Mastering the Use of Self. Routledge.

German-language standard works

• Schlippe, A. von, Schweitzer, J. (2019): Lehrbuch der systemischen Therapie und Beratung I — Das Grundlagenwissen. Vandenhoeck & Ruprecht, 4th ed.
• Boszormenyi-Nagy, I., Spark, G. M. (2015): Unsichtbare Bindungen — Die Dynamik familiärer Systeme. Klett-Cotta, 11th ed. (Original 1973.)
• Stierlin, H. (2014): Das Tun des Einen ist das Tun des Anderen. Suhrkamp.

Freely available

• Aponte, H. J., Kissil, K.: Instrument for Person-of-the-Therapist Supervision. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. https://www.healingspaces.center/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/Instrument-of-POTT-Supervision_jmft.pdf
• DGSF Wissensportal — Eigenanteil in der systemischen Weiterbildung. https://dgsf.org/service/wissensportal
• Bowen Center for the Study of the Family — Differentiation of Self. https://www.thebowencenter.org
• Aponte Training Institute. https://apontetraininginstitute.org

Crisis helplines

• Telefonseelsorge 0800 / 111 0 111 (24 h, free, anonymous, Germany).
• Crisis service (regional, e.g., Munich 0180 / 655 3000).
• Nummer gegen Kummer 116 111 (also relevant for adults — first point of contact).